Also, follow-up to your last bit of advice about wearing pink.
For some reason, every color of the sunset is readily available in Southwest men's styles, and has been for decades. So, when I wanted to wear purple or lavender, I would often go to regional sellers. When my soccer team choose purple as its color, I had to order a uniform from Europe, since men's size local kit was hard to find! (Most of my team was Saudi and gladly wore purple ... very different masculinity there, as the culture clearly accepts the bromance.)
Pointing something out. I learned volumes on regional and worldly masculinities through about a decade of playing soccer, mostly in local leagues filled with foreign nationals (because few Americans play soccer as adults). One could learn A LOT about the various masculinities in those games, also in part when they encountered the uncommon female player.
The point is that it's interesting how the signs/symbols of masculinity shift even within American regional culture.
And the whole thing about dressing your baby boy in blue and your baby girl in pink--that used to be the opposite. Blue was long a symbolic color for the Virgin Mary, and pink, being a gentler form of red (the color of war) was considered more appropriate for a masculine baby. Culture is weird, man.
I am not so fashionable, but my boys are really into purple sparkle polish. But I live in constant worry for the day when someone is going to try to forcibly gender-norm them at school.
I did, however, grow my hair out during covid and for the first time in my life experienced a few catcalls and a mountain of double-takes. Out here in Iowa, long hair is soooo narrowly gendered that no one ever thought my boys were gendered male despite names, pronouns, or corrections. They couldn't see past the long hair. My boss kept referring to me as Jesus--despite the off-color issue of comparing me to a religious figure in large meetings--as if that's what made long hair ok.
Yeah, as a social ethicist, these are the things I note. But, I learned the lesson decades ago when my poetry professor said that the ultimate skill of a poet is noticing what others do not. I appreciate that skill in you as well, though sadly I'm far less poetic.
In the gender theory unit of my Ethics class, I show that video. It's a good one!
I'm going to point out something you surely know. Manly men are allowed to show emotion ... such as anger or rage that they're being challenged.
So, while you're right about the trope of men giving into emotions risk losing control and risk becoming monsters ... there's another trajectory. I would connect this to the redemptive acts of violence I've mentioned in past posts, where emotion and loss of control is redeemed through salvific violence. If the victim "'deserved it" or the man "was wronged," then the cultural logic does allow a limited range of emotion and especially loss of control as salvific--saving your manhood--rather than as a descent into the demonic. I've only seen the first John Wick movie, after avoiding them for years, and that might be the most popular though not quite iconic / archetypal example. Also, the internet has caught onto this, as so many memes explain that John Wick is coming to get them *because they killed his dog*, and not because his wife was disrespected, or he has hellacious PTSD, etc. The fact that (in their minds) killing something "worthless" as a trigger to violence makes it both funny and more manly.
Just to explain a little bit where I'm coming from. I'm from an intergenerational military family, so I spent my young life surrounded by soldiers and their families. Even now, my brother is in the service, I've had a lot fo GI Bill students, and I've seen the aftermath post 9/11 militaristic bromanism. (I think you might try a mashup of shamanism and bros?) I've seen countless cases of people joining the military, to "be a real man," and who talk of killing actual people. Although ... it's usually the guys who didn't actually sign up, or served single quiet terms, who voice bloody murder ... the actual combat veterans are the most broken, haunted people I've ever met. The redemptive violence concept generally only works when one isn't met with the reality of it.
Yeah--I think that you'll likely find a lot of this discourse in my PTMT #7, when I talk about the expectations of violence. And you're right: one emotion is allowed. Anger. Though, not in the Jedi order. But even then, the more stoic the action hero, the cooler, right?
I think the thing about John Wick is that they took an innocent and helpless life in order to get to him. It was a puppy, remember--not the butch adult guard dog he gets in Part 2. So that's part of it: he's already mourning his wife; the puppy is the last thing she left him, specifically to keep him company and give him love in his potentially dangerous grief; and then they slaughter it. It's much more than just "you killed my dog," it's more complex. He puts it out there, in that epic line he has:
"When Helen died, I lost everything. Until that dog arrived on my doorstep... A final gift from my wife... That moment I received some semblance of hope, an opportunity to grieve unalone... Your son took that from me, stole that from me... killed that from me!"
I am obligated to also link to the classic post "Did Inadequate Women’s Healthcare Destroy Star Wars’ Old Republic?": https://www.vice.com/en/article/53d4db/womens-healthcare-star-wars
O this is interesting—thanks! :)
Also, follow-up to your last bit of advice about wearing pink.
For some reason, every color of the sunset is readily available in Southwest men's styles, and has been for decades. So, when I wanted to wear purple or lavender, I would often go to regional sellers. When my soccer team choose purple as its color, I had to order a uniform from Europe, since men's size local kit was hard to find! (Most of my team was Saudi and gladly wore purple ... very different masculinity there, as the culture clearly accepts the bromance.)
Pointing something out. I learned volumes on regional and worldly masculinities through about a decade of playing soccer, mostly in local leagues filled with foreign nationals (because few Americans play soccer as adults). One could learn A LOT about the various masculinities in those games, also in part when they encountered the uncommon female player.
The point is that it's interesting how the signs/symbols of masculinity shift even within American regional culture.
And the whole thing about dressing your baby boy in blue and your baby girl in pink--that used to be the opposite. Blue was long a symbolic color for the Virgin Mary, and pink, being a gentler form of red (the color of war) was considered more appropriate for a masculine baby. Culture is weird, man.
Meanwhile, my sons are walking around with purple sparkle barrettes... They're claiming it for masculinity!
Yass kings! Good for them! I bet they look fantastic!
I’ve noticed lots of fashionable men of all orientations are painting their nails these days too. It’s awesome.
I am not so fashionable, but my boys are really into purple sparkle polish. But I live in constant worry for the day when someone is going to try to forcibly gender-norm them at school.
I did, however, grow my hair out during covid and for the first time in my life experienced a few catcalls and a mountain of double-takes. Out here in Iowa, long hair is soooo narrowly gendered that no one ever thought my boys were gendered male despite names, pronouns, or corrections. They couldn't see past the long hair. My boss kept referring to me as Jesus--despite the off-color issue of comparing me to a religious figure in large meetings--as if that's what made long hair ok.
Yeah, as a social ethicist, these are the things I note. But, I learned the lesson decades ago when my poetry professor said that the ultimate skill of a poet is noticing what others do not. I appreciate that skill in you as well, though sadly I'm far less poetic.
In the gender theory unit of my Ethics class, I show that video. It's a good one!
I'm going to point out something you surely know. Manly men are allowed to show emotion ... such as anger or rage that they're being challenged.
So, while you're right about the trope of men giving into emotions risk losing control and risk becoming monsters ... there's another trajectory. I would connect this to the redemptive acts of violence I've mentioned in past posts, where emotion and loss of control is redeemed through salvific violence. If the victim "'deserved it" or the man "was wronged," then the cultural logic does allow a limited range of emotion and especially loss of control as salvific--saving your manhood--rather than as a descent into the demonic. I've only seen the first John Wick movie, after avoiding them for years, and that might be the most popular though not quite iconic / archetypal example. Also, the internet has caught onto this, as so many memes explain that John Wick is coming to get them *because they killed his dog*, and not because his wife was disrespected, or he has hellacious PTSD, etc. The fact that (in their minds) killing something "worthless" as a trigger to violence makes it both funny and more manly.
Just to explain a little bit where I'm coming from. I'm from an intergenerational military family, so I spent my young life surrounded by soldiers and their families. Even now, my brother is in the service, I've had a lot fo GI Bill students, and I've seen the aftermath post 9/11 militaristic bromanism. (I think you might try a mashup of shamanism and bros?) I've seen countless cases of people joining the military, to "be a real man," and who talk of killing actual people. Although ... it's usually the guys who didn't actually sign up, or served single quiet terms, who voice bloody murder ... the actual combat veterans are the most broken, haunted people I've ever met. The redemptive violence concept generally only works when one isn't met with the reality of it.
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Yeah--I think that you'll likely find a lot of this discourse in my PTMT #7, when I talk about the expectations of violence. And you're right: one emotion is allowed. Anger. Though, not in the Jedi order. But even then, the more stoic the action hero, the cooler, right?
I think the thing about John Wick is that they took an innocent and helpless life in order to get to him. It was a puppy, remember--not the butch adult guard dog he gets in Part 2. So that's part of it: he's already mourning his wife; the puppy is the last thing she left him, specifically to keep him company and give him love in his potentially dangerous grief; and then they slaughter it. It's much more than just "you killed my dog," it's more complex. He puts it out there, in that epic line he has:
"When Helen died, I lost everything. Until that dog arrived on my doorstep... A final gift from my wife... That moment I received some semblance of hope, an opportunity to grieve unalone... Your son took that from me, stole that from me... killed that from me!"