Fight Clip Club: An Exercise in Fatality (Columbo)
That stuff is going to kill you.
I’ve Mused about this fact before: for a TV show that’s centered on murder, Columbo has surprisingly few fight scenes, or even scenes of violence at all. I’ve done another fight bit from another episode already, and I talked about this scene being my second choice for covering here in FCC, and I thought it’s about time I return to this idea today. Here’s what I said about the fights in this series last time I talked about an episode of Columbo:
But I really haven’t done much thinking about the fights in this series: there’s one pretty impressive stunt in ‘A Friend in Deed’ where a man jumps off a helicopter into a pool; a few stranglings that take TV amounts of time (in other words, about 5 seconds); many one-shot gun deaths, a bunch of punches that pretty much always look bad: I’m thinking the backhand to the lounge singer in ‘Troubled Waters’ and Johnny Cash’s beatdown in ‘Swan Song,’ etc. But in this show, we usually see the aftermath of the violence and not the violence itself. My professional opinion? That keeps this series way more timeless, or at least enjoyably watchable, than it would be otherwise. (From FCC: ‘Death Lends a Hand.’)
Normally, FCC is the only paywalled series on Zuko’s Musings. But whenever I can’t provide you a clip of the fight I’m analyzing, I take down the paywall. I figure if you’re having to pay for a movie, It’s worthwhile to not have to pay twice for my two cents’ worth on a fight from it.
There’s no clip of only the fight scene that I can easily find. But Columbo is free with Amazon Prime, with ads on Tubi, Peacock, and cheap to pay for on YouTube. It’s one of the better episodes from the superior ‘70s Columbo, so I recommend watching the whole ep.
Scene: Milo Janus vs. Gene Stafford: ‘An Exercise in Fatality,’ Columbo (1974).
Actors: Milo: Robert Conrad; Gene: Philip Burns
Stuntpeople: I’m finding only one person listed under ‘stunts’ for this episode, one Bob Herron, who was uncredited. It’s unclear to me if this guy was the choreographer or a performer, or both. But you can see that the actors do most of this fight, with the possible exception of the running chase.
Setting: A Milo Janus fitness center franchise, operated by Gene Stafford, after hours. Current times (mid-1970s).
Style & Weapons: unarmed, and… what is that weapon? It looks like a random steel bar, but I have to think it’s something connected with exercise equipment. Oh, and a pot of hot coffee.
Scenario: Gene Stafford has had it. He knows Milo Janus is screwing him over, and he’s not afraid to tell him that he’s investigating his crookedness and will expose and sue him. Problem is, he tells him when they’re alone together, which is always a bad idea when you’re in a Columbo episode. Janus kills him to keep his crooked moneymaking establishments secure.
Genre: 1 (realistic), b (dramatic)
Now this isn’t the most grittily realistic fight you’ve ever seen, I give you that. For one thing, that choke is the classic dead-in-5-seconds type you’ll see in many a TV episode, of any era really. But you can see that this fight is meant to be realistic, and meant to be nasty, brutish, and short. That it’s a little too long in one place (the running) and a little too short in another (the choking death), doesn’t take away from it being a real and a mean murder.
3 Rules: This is, like most other Columbo episodes, structured not like a whodunit, but a howcatchem. As such, Gene’s whole role has to do more with Milo’s character and eventual comeuppance as he takes care of the crime scene and his alibi. But let’s look at both men’s Rules.
Objective: Janus’ reason for killing Stafford is to silence him; to stop his investigation before he finds anything. Stafford’s Objective is to get away—he doesn’t want to fight him, only to escape so he can fight him in the courts.
Tactics: Stafford’s is all defensive Tactics: splashing hot coffee on Janus, running away, etc. Janus is focused on getting that bar across Stafford’s throat, and all his Tactics involve doing that. Also: Janus uses that bar in order to simulate a weight bar as the cause of death, which is how he stages the body for discovery.
Obstacles: Objects in the environment are Obstacles for both of them, and Janus’ superior athleticism is certainly an Obstacle for Stafford.
Other Questions: This fight is actually pretty graphic, when compared to other scenes of violence in other TV shows of the time, even ones centered on murder or police. It’s rare that you have the camera there on the violent act for that long, that graphically.
Fun Fact: This episode contains one of the rare moments when the good Lieutenant loses his temper and rails at the murderer. It’s delicious, and makes Janus’ comeuppance (the ‘gotcha’) that much more satisfying, whatever you might think of the conclusive evidence.
Closing question: were gyms like this in the ‘70s? All dark and smoky, with pool tables and a cigarette machine along with the exercise equipment? And required matching sweatsuits? And gender segregated?
I chose this scene because: I wanted to do another Columbo episode for FCC and this one is one of the more fighty murders, in the ‘70s series, anyway.
